Seven things I hate (and love) about Miley Cyrus

    Miley Cyrus and I have a love-hate relationship—not because I actually know her, but because she is plastered all over mainstream media, which makes it seem like she is everywhere. Her 15-year-old face always is grinning at me, with its goofy – but somewhat adorable – chipmunk teeth, from some teen magazine on a shelf at the grocery store.
    Like many young Disney starlets, Cyrus is living out her teenage years in the public eye—which is somewhat like going to high school with a few billion people all spreading rumors that you are having a relationship with your chemistry teacher.
    I am one of those rumor-spreading people. However Cyrus’ “chemistry teacher” is actually Nick Jonas of the Jonas Brothers, and nobody is supposed to be sleeping with anybody, because they are all Disney minions. Meaning, Disney stars are forever pure—just look at how Britney turned out.
    I decided to try write some songs, myself, because Miley “writes” her own songs, but I instead came up with a list of seven things I hate the most – or maybe love a little – about Miley Cyrus. Decisions are hard.

1. HER SONGS

    Call me shallow – at this point it’s probably true anyways – but, everyone seems to know the lyrics to “See You Again.” Cyrus’ songs are just so catchy. I want to hate her artificial, candy – pop songs – I really do but I just can’t stop humming them. Her songs are all over Top 40 radio, which pains me to admit Cyrus’ songs are addicting.

2. HER DAD

    Before “Hannah Montana,” Billy Ray Cyrus was a guy with a ridiculous-looking mullet from a little-known television show called “Doc.” Now, all of a sudden, he is this over-40 “babe” wannabe, who plays Miley Cyrus’ father on her Disney Channel show and lives off his daughters’ fame. It’s not called keeping an eye on your daughter, Bill; it’s called fame-whoring.

3. HER MYSPACE PICTURES

    All I can say is, if I was 15 years old and pictures of me coyly pulling my shirt up and my pants down while making kissy-faces surfaced on MySpace.com, Facebook.com or anywhere else online, I would not be allowed out of the house until I turned 18. Not Miley. She gets new clothes. I feel so bad for her having such strict parents and everything.

4.HER OWN VIDEO GAME

    If  Cyrus’ alter ego, Hannah Montana, deserves her own video game, so do I. I mean, what is she doing in the game—fighting crime while singing a country-pop crossover? I would fight crime while having curly hair.

5. HER SMOKER’S VOICE

    Cyrus sounds like a 45-year-old woman, who has been smoking for years and years. The thing is, I think it’s kind of sexy. We have this perky, tiny pop princess, who sounds as if she is trying to seduce me every time I hear her voice in an interview. I really need to learn how to turn the radio off sometimes. Just listen to “7 Things,” the song that inspired this column—you’ll understand what I’m talking about.

6. HER PROMISE RING

    Don’t get me wrong—there is nothing wrong with practicing abstinence or wearing a ring symbolizing your commitment to it, but the fact Cyrus flaunts it bothers me. It seems as if she can do whatever she wants, but whenever anything controversial comes up – see “MySpace pictures -” she ends up on the cover of a magazine talking about saving herself for marriage. Sex does sell, but using your abstinence for good PR and for being a “role model” to young girls seems dirty.

7. “AND THE SEVENTH THING I HATE THE MOST THAT SHE DOES”

    Cyrus poses for awkward pictures—and then immediately apologizes. Okay, we covered the amateur photographs she took of herself, but those pictures of Cyrus practically snuggling with her father were a little bit strange—mostly because they looked like a couple instead of like father and daughter. I also am talking about the photos Annie Leibovitz shot of Cyrus for Vanity Fair. If Cyrus were 17 or 18, it might be a different story, because those photos were not even close to pornography—but for a young girl barely out of her preteens they were very racy.
    Cyrus apologized, but really, it’s her parents who should apologize to her. Miley Cyrus is legally a minor, and at the end of the day, her guardians are supposed to approve what she does. Regardless of whether the photos were classy work, she should have stood up for what she believed, or should not have taken those photos in the first place. Cyrus’ apology seemed forced, as if Disney were breathing down her neck to clean up her image.
    Miley Cyrus has been branded by some as a train wreck waiting to happen. The jury is still out on whether she will follow in the steps of Justin Timberlake and other somewhat “normal,” successful stars that came out of the Disney machine.     It is also out on whether she will end up having a meltdown and locking herself in a bathroom, half-naked with one of her kids. We can sit back and watch her drama unfold—which is really the best part about keeping tabs on “famous people,” right?