In a press conference Monday, plans were announced
to rename VCU after President Eugene P. Trani. Beginning
in fall of 2008, VCU will officially be known as
the University of Trani.
“Every student should aspire to look – I mean act – like
Trani,” said Trani spokesperson Briana Macedonia.
After emerging from his secret hideout*, Trani said,
“This change to U. Trani is just the next natural step
for our fine university.”
Since Trani began his reign at VCU, he has made
many changes to the institution. Trani’s triumphs
have included the erection of many new buildings and
cleaning up the once lewd West Grace Street.
Before he came into power, VCU was seen mainly as
a “just in case” safety school, and for being very popular
for its drug and alcohol abuse. All of this changed when
Trani came into office, and hardly any VCU students
abuse drugs or alcohol today.
Along with raising VCU to a new academic standard,
Trani has never been above getting down and dirty when
it came to doing the grunt work to expand VCU.
Despite his stature, Trani erected towering buildings
around campus. Ramz Hall, Brandt Hall, Shafer Court
Dining Center, the Engineering Building and the Business
Building are just some of the structures Trani has
erected as part of his VCU 2020 plan.
Of the expansion, Trani said, “Someday, Richmond
will not be known as the State Capitol, but rather as
Trani City.”
“I have to admit, the new name does have a certain
ring to it,” said VCU Champion Beer Pong Coach
Charlie Calvert. “Just imagine an entire stadium of
people shouting ‘U Trani! U Trani! U Trani!’ “
When further questioned by a student reporter on
the reasoning of the name change, Trani erected a
building and had it crush the reporter in a matter of
seconds. The deceased reporter could not be reached
for comment.
*Believed to be a cave in the Himalayas