Bracing for the Christmas cinema
This is by far one of the busiest times of the year for theaters. During the Christmas season, Hollywood goes out of its way to slant film releases to entertain the hundreds of people taking time off from work to do things other than T.P. reports, thousands of children and college students alike sent home from school and millions of poor people in the retailing business finding things to do after horrendous hours dealing with the holiday wishes of loud, angry shoppers.
This is by far one of the busiest times of the year for theaters. During the Christmas season, Hollywood goes out of its way to slant film releases to entertain the hundreds of people taking time off from work to do things other than T.P. reports, thousands of children and college students alike sent home from school and millions of poor people in the retailing business finding things to do after horrendous hours dealing with the holiday wishes of loud, angry shoppers.
I, however, am worried about the quality of movies being released for these folks. Let’s take a look at a few movies that are out now or set to come out in the next few weeks.
Deck the Halls; Unaccompanied Minors; The Holiday – These are all the “holiday for the holiday” movies this year, and none of them seem to pack particular flavor. “Deck the Halls” and “Minors” both seem to rely largely on the “Home Alone” phenomenon that I hoped would die out in the mid-90s, and “The Holiday” looks like it could be a slightly trite package tied up in charming British lingo and the tenacious Jack Black, though it definitely holds the most promise of the trio. And I’m not even going to touch “Black Christmas,” a hokey slasher-kills-college-girls flick set to come out on Christmas.
National Lampoon’s Van Wilder: The Rise of Taj – Seriously. Why? Let’s take a movie that hits some notes that were a bit too over the top to be real comedic memory-makers, and try for a sink sequel with one of the bit characters. I mean, yes, it’s the season for leftovers, but come on!
The Nativity Story – Like “The Holiday,” I’m holding out hope for this one. It’s the prequel to “Passion of the Christ” but without all the hype and gore. I’m just curious what it will offer that hasn’t already been done time and time again in “Jesus of Nazareth” and other classic First Christmas movies. After all, it is one of those movies where you know how it’s going to end.
Charlotte’s Web – Let’s leave out the part of this that makes me feel indescribably old. Being part of the generation that hailed the creation of the animated rendition of E.B. White’s classic tale of the first talking pig, I wonder how this movie will turn out. It seems to be another reason to show off CGI animals while boasting a cast of hot stars including Julia Roberts behind the strings of Charlotte and a whole barnyard of critters including Steve Buscemi, Oprah Winfrey, Kathy Bates and John Cleese. Speaking of CGI.
Eragon – I love CGI dragons just as much as the next person, and even when I was younger, I enjoyed “Dragonheart” and the “Dragonslayer” of the 1980s. Ever since, though, it seems like these sorts of “high fantasy” films have really flopped. The trailers don’t boast much for this film, either; it reads a lot like pulp fantasy, with flimsy, stereotyped characters and defeat-the-evil-king plot. And those are big weaknesses even a fire-breathing lizard can’t fix.
