During the past few weeks, I’ve come to the conclusion that it may be necessary to become a chauvinist. I have been in the company of a large percentage of women who, in the waiting room of heaven before they were born, they checked the box labeled “large breasts” instead of the one labeled “common decency.”
Giving them the benefit of the doubt, not all women are bad – just the vast majority. As I was saying, in the past week I have encountered a tease, a mother-hen jerk and a bar predator. We’ll start with the tease.
A tease is defined in the evil female dictionary as someone that uses sexual flirtation and the male response to this flirtation to improve her self-esteem without any benefit to the male. Women know perfectly well how a guy reacts to these come-ons and have no regard for the guy’s feelings. To be blunt, this is bull; you can’t tease a guy and then expect him not to make a move. By being a tease you are making guys like me depressed and lonely, and in some cases putting your self in danger (seedy bars and clubs), so just stop.
The next type of woman I have come across is the mother-hen jerk. This is the one in the little horde of females who claims the mother role (usually the least attractive of the flock). The mother is usually extremely rude to any male in the vicinity out of bitterness over the cards that life has dealt her in the mating scene. To compensate for her problems she prevents everyone within at least a 20-foot range from having any fun whatsoever. I even saw one of them knitting in a bar once. I personally don’t want to even talk to this type of woman. They are the foil to the males as well as their own sex and in my opinion should be treated accordingly.
The last type of woman I would like to mention is the predator. Until recently I had never encountered one of these firsthand. The predator is a branch of the tease, but more aggressive and harmful to the male. A predator can range from your simple greedy party chick to a gold digger or even, at an extreme, Hilary Clinton. This is the female who will climb the ladder of men in front of her in pursuit of self-esteem, wealth and power. The predator is usually the most attractive in the group, wearing the name-brand clothes and the sunglasses on top of her head in the middle of the night.
If this woman isn’t in a “relationship” with a rich attractive guy she is complaining about how her BMW her daddy bought her has a broken taillight. Most of the time the predator will appear dumb and blond. Both of these are probably a lie; they aren’t dumb or actually blond. To flirt your way to status doesn’t just take a nice body – it takes charisma, the charisma that can only be gained through a Faustian contract. The purpose of these women is to give you a taste of heaven in exchange for your soul, dignity and worldly possessions. The predator should not be trusted ever.
It’s a sad thing when a group must be judged because of the actions of a few. Seeing all three of these types of females in one place at the same time was the icing on the cake. Women have struggled for equal rights for most of human history and I’m all for giving it to them. But ladies, I just ask you stop playing your dirty little tricks with us. When your boyfriend does something bad to you, don’t call all men dogs. Some of us are nice. Don’t use sex to get what you want; it’s an insult to us and an insult to you.