Newspaper headlines mention it. Magazine articles talk about it. Everywhere you turn, many share their opinions on it – dating.
What should people do? How should they act to get their date to like them? For many, it is a mind-boggling experience that can’t be broken down into a simpler process.
At “Social Dating: What’s Your Excuse,” held Wednesday, David Wygant advised students how to approach the opposite sex without feeling apprehensive, nervous or the infamous “fear of rejection.”
“Don’t be shy. Be who you are,” Wygant told students. He added that because most worry about what others think, they often hesitate to approach those they find attractive.
“Stop caring about what other people think,” he said.
Wygant’s message was this: College is a great time to meet people. It’s the first time that students are away from their parents and past influences.
Rejection, he said, shouldn’t be taken personally because it builds character and helps people prepare for the next situation when they may be successful at asking someone out.
In college, many students start to find out who they are, but aren’t sure how to meet people. Often they end up not showing their true selves, he said.
“It doesn’t matter,” Wygant said as he leaned back in a desk chair. “When I was thirty, I realized that I just shouldn’t care about what other people thought.
“People are so emotional. Teenagers are emotional. College is supposed to be the best time of your life. You can go out and meet people whenever. It is four or five years of just hanging out.”
Wygant owns his own business where, for $10,000, he goes to people’s houses for three days to help them improve their dating lives. Wygant has worked with celebrities, gone on exotic vacations with clients to help them meet others and shown many how to approach others without feeling apprehensive.
His business began after he started taking people with him to the grocery store, which he refers to as his own little boot camp, to help them meet others. Since then, he has helped clients become more comfortable with approaching and casually meeting people in everyday environments, such as the grocery store, bookstore or coffee shop.
Wygant has been interviewed by the women’s magazine Marie Claire, the television news magazine “Dateline NBC,” and has appeared on the MTV show “Made,” where he helped a college student alter his whole dating outlook.
In his book, “Always Talk to Strangers,” he shares the secrets that his clients normally pay thousands of dollars to learn.
“I’m talking to colleges about things I wished they had talked to me about – how to be great socially, to overcome fears, how to deal with the opposite sex. That is what you really learn in college,” Wygant said.
The trick is to do what you want and be free, he said. Relax. Approach the person you’re attracted to and strike up a conversation about something simple, he suggested. For example, he said a guy should approach a girl and tell her he likes her purse or shirt. It can get a conversation going, he said, which can eventually lead to a deeper discussion.
People should be honest and tell others exactly what they’re interested in, what they want and what their expectations are, Wygant said. He noted that people mistakenly believe they have to sell themselves and play games.
“The journey we are on is ours, and no one else’s,” Wygant said. “It’s not about what your friends think. It’s your Friday night, too. Just get out there and meet someone.”
The love doctor stressed seizing an opportune moment to speak to someone. Most likely, he pointed out, once the person of interest leaves, he or she is gone forever. Whoever wanted to approach them may never have a second chance.
“(Students should) work on what they fear the most so the next time they’ll be able to deal with it,” Wygant said.
People can work on approach anxiety by smiling at strangers, going up to others and being friendly. By working their way up, they can learn to tackle social situations, he said.
From the workshop, senior Rachel Hernandez-Sevier said she learned how to deal with difficult social situations.
“I like to know what people think,” she said. “It is a lesson and this taught me to be kind to others in situations when someone is trying, and not take [rejection] to heart.”
David Sweck, a junior, said he found the workshop interesting and lamented that more people didn’t show up.
“Most are too self-conscious or embarrassed to come to something like this,” he said. “It quite possibly could help me and my relationship. I definitely would go again.”