Zodiac Cookies

Virgo Aug. 23 – Sept. 22
The winds of change will really blow this week.

Libra Sept. 23 – Oct. 23
Heaven only knows the terrors you will receive this fortnight.

Scorpio Oct. 24 – Nov. 21
Like a walking Zombie, you roam the halls until you can no longer resist the urge to eat brains.

Sagittarius Nov. 22 – Dec. 21
This week you are driving all your ghoul friends batty.

Capricorn Dec. 22 – Jan. 19
Pumpkins carved are cool: Pumpkins carved and smeared in fake blood are better.

Aquarius Jan. 20 – Feb. 18
Dancing to the Purple People Eater song is lame and dancing it in public is just wrong.

Pisces Feb. 19- March 20
Ghosts speak to you in dreams; heed their warnings this night.

Aries March 21 – April 19
Clowns, the clowns are going to eat you. Bart was right. Let them come and offer you up buffet style. Ghosts love buffet.

Taurus April 20 – May 20
Vampires roam the nights and you sleep in a coffin. Try some herbal remedies (not garlic) and get over this funk.

Gemini May 21 – June 21
Twins. Seeing double this week? Everything repeats itself and this fact is always true…. Everything repeats itself and this fact is always true…. until tonight. Let it be.

Cancer June 22 – July 22
A freakish Virgo lusts after your soul but only to devour you whole.

Leo July 23 – Aug. 22
The future becomes your past.