Ask the Baroness

Dear Baroness:

I have a feeling that my boyfriend is cheating on me, what are the signs that he, is in fact, cheating.

Sincerely,

Yours In Murder

Dear Mrs. Berkowitz:

I hope you get the reference as to why I don’t respond to your pseudonym the same way you wrote it. I assume you do, considering you wrote it. But for all those out there that are sane, please look it up on your own time.

So, you think your boyfriend is cheating on you and you need yours truly to decipher what the obvious signs are. Well, I’ll fill you in on what to look out for:

* Not answering your phone calls and is never “available.”

* Refuses to get intimate or be affectionate (either in public or private).

* Tells you that you’re no longer boyfriend/girlfriend.

* If he starts calling you by someone else’s name.

Now, Mrs. Berkowitz. I want you to take those four things into consideration.

You seem to be clinging onto this small glimmer of hope that you guys have a fighting chance. You don’t, and I only say that because the first inclination that it is the beginning of the end of a relationship is the slightest bit of doubt of your partner’s faithfulness. The four items listed above pretty much tell you what? C’mon. You can do it. YES! You got it! That it’s OVER.

I’ve dealt with this so many times. You know what the signs are. You know what to look for, however you are ignorant to the fact that you don’t want to recognize these obvious hints. I refuse to tell you to confront him on the basis that the second you do, you’ve unquestionably entered into the downward spiral towards relationship termination. In every instance that someone believes there is cheating by a partner, it is presumably one of two things:

* You recognize the signs, and are too cowardly to face him. Or

* You’re simply looking for a way out of the relationship for any reason.

This reminds me of a little story. Once upon a time, a little girl had a boyfriend. She thought they loved each other until one day she wrote a letter to the Baroness asking for advice on whether or not her boyfriend was faithful. The Baroness laughed at her and realized that although she is the answer to many problems, that she cannot help the little girl because the little girl does not want help. She is only looking for an easy way out by asking all the wrong people what to do rather than dealing with the problem herself.

In closing, I shall only tell you the following: let him go. I would tell you there are plenty of fish in the sea, but alas, we’re land-living creatures. A fish and a human can fall in love, but where would they live? And isn’t that against the law?

Sincerely,

The Baroness

Spectrum is featuring a new column called Ask the Baroness. Let the Baroness answer all your love life woes. E-mail your questions on love, life and the pursuit of a good mate to:[email protected]

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