Zodiac Cookies

Virgo:

If someone asks you for directions this week, stop and help out. You’ll need that karma once you get lost going to graduate school.

Libra:

Charming as you are, you have the ability to make people eat out of the palm of your hand. Be sure to wash it first.

Scorpio:

You may be fooled into thinking some dumb writer is a grand oracle of some description.

Sagittarius:

It’s not always the bad guys who wear black. Sometimes it’s also Johnny Cash wannabes.

Capricorn:

Eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow you can take Ibuprofen.

Aquarius: Running around in circles is only frustrating if you don’t think about all the exercise you’re getting.

Pisces:

Your favorite TV show in syndication will be an episode you’ve already seen, but at least it’s a good one.

Aries:

Try the NASCAR philosophy today: don’t be afraid to give those in your way a little bump, but always be sure to thank all the sponsors who have helped you along the way.

Taurus:

Don’t try and cut every corner with your upcoming assignment. They’ll find out when you turn in a round piece of paper.

Gemini:

Victory is yours. Don’t be afraid to celebrate, but avoid gloating.

Cancer:

News may come from afar. I didn’t say it was good news.

Leo:

For those wanting to curl up in a ball and die, look at the example of the cat: they curl up into a ball, sure, but they just sleep and generally wake up in a better mood.

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