Aries: Funny things are everywhere, let the giggling commence.
Taurus: Don’t hate people because they’re beautiful, hate them because they’re conceited.
Gemini: Attempting an intelligent conversation before 11 a.m. today would be highly foolish on your part.
Cancer: Don’t believe everything you read, unless of course you read it in the CT.
Leo: Avoid staring at tall redheads with blue-green eyes today, your head could catch on fire.
Virgo: Judge people not by what they wear, judge them by how they do their hair.
Libra: Don’t insult random strangers, they certainly have friends to do that for them.
Scorpio: Every child is an artist, the trick is how to remain one when you grow up.
Sagittarius: Consult your magic eight ball before doing anything outlandish today.
Capricorn: Special guidance and a new focus will come to you today through a messenger from the animal kingdom.
Aquarius: In all things in life, begin at the beginning, but remember, there is no end.
Pisces: To talk and then to listen is perhaps the greatest skill you will ever develop.