Zodiac Cookies

Aries: There’s magic in the air today; grab a handful and sell it on eBay.

Taurus: Journalists are said to be the wisest in the race of man. Think on it.

Gemini: Seek out a football player who saves people from burning buildings and volunteers with kids. He’d be a good person to know.

Cancer: Take a long hard look in the mirror, but only after running a hot shower to fog it up.

Leo: Much like the film in the sun, your unwanted karma may only be destroyed by the light of knowledge.

Virgo: If you plan on starting a time capsule, be sure to avoid including Spam. The future is going to messed up enough; it doesn’t need our help.

Libra: Take a cue from Tickle Me Elmo. Laugh freely today.

Scorpio: The egg might allow the chef to beat it, but you’ll be accepting no such nonsense.

Sagittarius: No matter how bad your life gets, just remember that you could be living in a state that didn’t care about its college students. Oh wait…

Capricorn: Don’t wake your friends up at 2 a.m. asking them how to use the Internet. They won’t like it.

Aquarius: A broken heart is like a bad fender bender: extremely jarring, possibly injuring, but everyone survives.

Pisces: A cheetah can’t change its spots. What’s your excuse?

Be the first to comment

Leave a Reply