Stripping for T-shirts!

While I was perusing the fine late night entertainment provided for me by Comedy Central (motto: When in doubt, show a “Saturday Night Live!” re-run), I encountered a disturbing infomercial around 4 a.m.

As I was up working, I heard the horrendous music… you know it by now… the bit of jangly impending doom!

I knew what was about to hit me, “Girls Gone Wild”! Normally I would run screaming from the room, but on this occasion, I was hard at work and was far too comfortable in my chair to flea.

So I decided to look at the television for a moment…

In doing so, I have come to a few conclusions regarding the “wild” state of females on Comedy Central late at night.

1. The top of the heinie is quite OK to show on television and is not very wild at all. However, the lower part of a butt is completely off-limits and should be promptly covered with a large sign stating “censored.”

2. The bottom part of breasts can be viewed, but the moment anymore than the very bottom of a breast appears, it is proper etiquette to place a video tape box over it, to shield it from the public. Or, if two videos are not available, a large sign stating “Girls Gone Wild” is a perfectly acceptable replacement.

3. Wildness is directly related to drunkenness and peer pressure.

4. To become appropriately wild, a large crowd that is apparently 100 percent females is needed. This crowd must number in the hundreds to be wild enough.

5. “Boys Gone Wild” will never go anywhere as a film series, because face it… guys will do nearly anything anyway. There is no need for provocation or bribery.

6. If you go wild for the camera, you win a nice shirt, stating “Girls Gone Wild,” though a more appropriate slogan would be, “Look! I flashed my boobs on camera for other people to make money and all I got was this lousy shirt.”

If you have a question for the glorious Bob, please e-mail it to [email protected]

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