Aries: Like the jingle of the keys on your ring, such are the days of your life.
Taurus: Sleep with a book under your pillow and you’ll wake up with a stiff neck.
Gemini: If you mail out graduation announcements again, the gifts could be plentiful.
Cancer: An old shoe is like an old friend, it’s smelly, but it fits just right.
Leo: Whatever you do, don’t get married tomorrow.
Virgo: Slipping on banana peels often causes high velocity impacts due to gravity.
Libra: When you see an elderly lady dressed in pink hopping barefoot across the street, you’ll know your time has come.
Scorpio: It has been predicted that the Raiders will win the Superbowl, place your bets.
Sagittarius: Be one with the Skittles commercials, taste the rainbow.
Capricorn: Convert to Japanese. Instead of writing, they get to draw little pictures.
Aquarius: Think on this…do tongue twisters really twist your tongue?
Pisces: Seal an empty envelope, write your name on it, bury it, read it 20 years later and think how silly you were.