Zodiac Cookies

Aries: Firefighters and arsonists just don’t mix.

Taurus: You win first prize for most horoscopes read. Congrats!

Gemini: As you put together the puzzle of your life, watch out for missing pieces.

Cancer: Substituting mayonnaise for hair gel won’t give you better hold, but it will give you an interesting odor.

Virgo: To think wisely and act foolishly is human nature.

Libra: If your parents didn’t have any kids, there is a good chance you won’t have any either.

Scorpio: Be like Dumbo; learn to fly without your feather.

Sagittarius: Thou shalt deliberately not wear a watch, forcing thyself to ask an attractive stranger for the time.

Capricorn: When people stare at you today, you will assume it is due to your stylin’ new sweater vest.

Aquarius: Be patient with your shopping companions. They simply don’t have your fashion savvy.

Pisces: Beware of fire hydrants and red crayons, they represent evil entities out to destroy your GPA.